Neither Heaven or Hell
by alexwinchester87
Summary: Dean Winchester committed suicide. One of the greatest sins known to man. Because he lost the love of his life to another. Now he's back. And he's going to set things straight.


Neither Heaven nor Hell….

Prologue: No human is perfect….

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or it's characters in anyway shape or form.

Note: For those of you who know me by my other fanfiction Rock My World I hope you like this one as much as you do the other one because I need to be writing a lot more and expanding my stories. Anyways this one isn't going to be humorous like the other one but it's going to be dramatic. Read at your own risk.

XXXxxxXXX

Humans. We're imperfect. We make mistakes all of the time, everyday of the week, and most of the time on Fridays. We fuck up. We cheat, we lie, and we hurt the ones we love no matter how hard we try not to. Like me for example. I fucked up big time.

Okay let me explain.

My name is Dean Winchester and I committed one of the greatest sins known to man. I killed myself.

It was painless, quick, and I didn't feel a thing. Maybe because I threw myself off of a bridge and crushed my skull on a large rock at the bottom of a creek. I would've shot myself if Sammy didn't take my car to go see his girlfriend Jessica. Bitch.

So I jumped off of a bridge. When I look back on it I remember the first thing that came to mind when I took that first step on the crumbling concrete ledge of the decaying bridge was, "Don't jump! You have too much to live for!" It was recited in a voice that sounded like a female cops. Like that day. That day I saw someone jump for the first time when I was only five years old.

Years older I would come to learn that, that guy who jumped was the love of my life's father. He was hallucinating. Thought demons were after him. Back then I thought that was fucking nuts. Now….

Now I know better.

When I was standing on that ledge I felt a rush course through me. It was a thrill like adrenaline and fear mixed together. And it felt amazing.

But I hesitated.

I hesitated because I heard a voice. A voice screaming and begging. Screaming and begging for me. I turned around and my eyes widened when I saw the love of my life. Tears streaming down his cheeks, eyes red and puffy from crying, fists clenching and unclenching at my sides, and lips moving in sync with the words he was throwing at me. Like ice cold daggers that tore through the barriers of my heart and ripped me apart. He was saying he wanted me to live.

But I knew I couldn't do it. Not without him. So I jumped.

Plain and simple.

I jumped with the image of his smile. Those perfect lips curled upwards and his eyes…those fucking eyes. There so hard to explain. Mainly because they're so painfully beautiful that even I can feel myself turning into a tampon wearing chick just looking at them. Looking into them makes me want to spout poetry or get out my old guitar and sing him a song. I used to think those eyes were made for me. Made so I could look into them and feel as if nothing could hurt me. Like I was invincible.

But obviously I'm not considering how quickly I went out when I hit rock bottom. I was such a fucking idiot thinking that life would be better if I just disappeared. If I just ended it all. Sammy wouldn't have to deal with an outcast for a brother, Castiel could get a better boyfriend and move on, and dad wouldn't have to deal with his failure of a son.

Yeah as you can see back then I was having some serious problems that seem really stupid now. I realize now that…I let down Sammy, dad, and even mom. Would she really be proud of her suicidal son rotting in hell with all of the other scum of the earth? I think not.

Now that I've seen things that could make Chuck Norris piss himself all of my old problems just seemed to have…disappeared. So maybe I did get what I want but not in the way I expected.

I stayed in hell for almost a year. A year in the outside world is eighty years in hell. Sounds fun doesn't it? I've been in the pit for so long I'm nearly a demon. I'm not there yet but I was cutting it close. A few more years and I would be all black eyes and bad jokes. But something pulled me out. I don't know what the hell it was but I'm not going to complain. I'm out and about and damn it felt good when that first breath of fresh air circulated into my lungs. Best thing I had felt in years. Better than sex even.

Well…almost.

I pulled myself out of the ruined grave that once held my body and gasped for air. I took in the fresh midnight air that tasted like ecstasy in my mouth and blew it right back out. The experience was similar to smoking cancer in a stick. Good old cigarettes. God I needed one.

I wore a tuxedo. It may have once been something fancy or elegant but now it's tattered with cuts in the tarnished muddy fabric. The shirt was still tucked into my pants but the buttons were now missing. The tie hung around my neck loosely but now dripping wet from the rain that pelted the ground with its icy bullet tough droplets. My pants were slashed in several places and the cufflinks on my jacket were left behind in the coffin. Left to be buried by the chunks of mud filling the empty space in the coffin. Beautiful.

I honestly wanted to stay there. Just stare up at the stars that seemed to be smiling at me. Weird, right? Stars can't smile. But I wanted to believe they did and I wanted to believe they smiled just for me. God I'm turning into a sap.

But eventually I had to get up. I was given a second chance and I wasn't going to waste it.

That's why I'm pulling myself to my feet. Even if they feel like jelly being held up by sticks I grit my teeth and I force myself to stand. Now I know how babies feel walking for the first time.

I took one step and I nearly collapsed.

I took another and I managed to stay on my own two feet.

I took one final step and it was like riding a bike.

Easy as pie.

XXXxxxXXX

**I hope you like the prologue! Review!**


End file.
